


E Pluribus Whoop-Ass

by Hawkingjay



Category: Eaglecrest - Fandom, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Americanisms, EAGLECREST, Gen, alternate setting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkingjay/pseuds/Hawkingjay
Summary: Tina Goldstein has to figure out how to get her housemates to like her and how to keep the new kid out of trouble. Standard stuff for senior year, right?
(This is set in tumblr user Sashayed's Eaglecrest. Look it up. It's amazing)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic is set at Eaglecrest. The lore can be found here: http://sashayed.tumblr.com/tagged/eaglecrest  
> I did not come up with Eaglecrest, but I wish I did. There are some areas where I had to fill in a few gaps, but I tried my best to keep it in the Eaglecrest spirit. Also, this fic is set in modern times. It does not factor in anything about Ilvermory because if I'm being perfectly honest, I don't care about Ilvermory all that much. Cursed Child gets a few mentions, but the timeline is kind of fudged with.

There was an incessant buzzing around Abraham Lincoln’s ear. However, this was standard fare on August fifteenth of each year. The various students of Laxdisick, Bluthyonce, Shrugstagram, and Justitopia, as well as the kids who had yet to be sorted, were excitedly clamoring about the new year that awaited them when they could enter the school.

The exception was Porpentina Goldstein. The justitopia senior was facing a lot on her plate, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to go about anything. Her sister, queenie, decked out in Bluthyonce’s signature hot pink, grabbed her arm.

“Tina! Stop sectioning yourself off from everyone!” Queenie lightly chided. Tina sighed.

“Do I have to?” Tina said. Queenie gave her a stern look. At least, as stern a look as Queenie’s gentle face could muster. However, Queenie realized how anxious her sister was and changed tactics.

“Look, I get you’re not the most popular person in Justitopia, but I’m sure outside of that little bubble you’re fine.” Queenie said softly. “My friend Liz even said that she’s been trying to get more involved in activism for muggles. See? Now you’ve got someone to help you with that! I know you’re not excited to meet people, but I think you just need to get out of your funk.” At this point, Tina was glad her sister was a legillimens, because she didn’t have to put as much effort into her argument. Still, before Queenie could drag her off, the stone rumbled and an entryway opened, allowing the students into Eaglecrest.

There was something poetic about the journey to the cafeteria. The way the seniors guided the freshmen, the way the Shrugstagram students always got distracted in the wifi hotspots, the way the Laxdisicks would try to jump and touch the top of every doorway. Watching it all unfold as it had before made Tina’s stomach curl up with worry. The magic she and her sister first experienced when they started at Eaglecrest was probably the last moment of newness she would experience in the magical world. Sure, she could start fresh at MACUSA, but even then, she would still be running into old classmates. No matter what, she wouldn’t be able to shed the reputation she’d gained.

She sighed as she sat down at the Justitopia table, desperately trying to ignore the eyes of her fellow housemates. She tried to catch Queenie’s eye, but her sister was already distracted by the sequins that constantly surrounded anything Bluthyonce. Tina was anxious to find a way to avoid her own thoughts until Joe started the usual first day activities. After what felt like an eternity, the Headmaster finally showed up.

“Everyone, settle down.” This remark was met with an adamant “No!” from the Justitopia table. The white haired man nodded. “Fair enough. However, I think it’s worth your while to pay attention. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the Eaglecrest headmaster, Joe Biden. For those of you who do know me, welcome back. Now, a few things worth noting. MACUSA would like me to remind you not to use magic on the tourists, no matter how annoying or rude or whatever they may be. Furthermore…” The nerves that Tina had felt earlier were fading since everyone in Justitopia wasn’t focused on her. She slowly started to settle into the plastic chair as her breathing became more even.

Maybe she could survive her senior year. Sure, she’d made a gaffe. However, she was sure she could earn her way back into her house’s good side. After all, there was already a small amount of Justitopia students that were siding with her, although not for reasons that she would like. Plus, she could always hang out with her sister’s Bluthyonce friends. It would make her seem incredibly desperate, but it was still an option. Before she realized it, her worrying had distracted her from the introductory speech, and the evening had proceeded to the sorting. The starred and spangled hat had declared a freshman a member of her own house, and she cheered out of obligation. Tina always knew that she should pay more attention, but especially with her senior year in front of her, Tina couldn’t force herself to put in the mental effort of keeping tabs on every freshman.

Everyone was restless for food once the last freshman sat down, but instead of starting dinner, Joe returned to the podium at the front of the cafeteria.

“I know we’re all excited to continue our evening, but I have one last matter to address.” He said. “We have a new student here on a 5(c)iii visa from the U.K.”

This statement immediately started a series of whispers through the Eaglecrest student body. The 5(c)iii visa was also known as the “mysterious exchange-student exception”. Also, being from the U.K. added so many other questions into the mix. He obviously transferred from Hogwarts. Why did he leave? Did it have something to do with what the American press had dubbed Delphi-gate? Everyone at the wooden cafeteria tables was desperately trying to figure out this transfer’s backstory. He walked up to the front of the cafeteria. A nervous smile was on his freckled face and his reddish-blonde hair was a little disheveled.

“Newt Scamander!” Joe Biden called out. Joe placed the hat on Newt’s head.

“Shrugstagram!” The hat called out. The shrugstagrams began a loud round of “AYE!” in response. Tina sighed, to her surprise. The new guy did seem kind of interesting, but the last thing she needed in her life right now was interesting. Although maybe with this new kid in their midst, the Justitopians would be distracted enough to not shade her constantly. Tina told herself to stop thinking about it as she dug into the typical Justitopia tofurkey.


End file.
